Heartbeat
by closetnightmares
Summary: Simon makes the decision to show his secret place in the jungle to Ralph, and the two boys spend a relaxing afternoon there together. But soon, the lines that define their relationship begin to blur beyond recognition. Ralph/Simon
A/N: My first LotF fic. Contains hints of forbidden Ralph/Simon.

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Ralph knew better than to ask where they were headed. Simon had asked him to go somewhere, and he had agreed to go. That was it. The simplicity of it all worried him, since he still knew next to nothing, but it would be pointless to try and get the introverted boy to reveal any more information.

Their footfalls were heavy on the soft jungle floor, and Ralph winced as he stepped in a particularly deep bit of mud. They stopped just before a tangled wall of creepers and Simon held up his hand for Ralph to wait as he peered through a hole in the greenery.

Ralph nonchalantly turned his attention to the sky. By his estimate, they had already been traveling for an hour meandering through the trees and brush. Someone was bound to notice that he and Simon were missing soon. The possible repercussions of such an event occurring made Ralph shiver.

He started worrying. It was a snowball effect as all of the scenarios began to filter through his mind and manifest themselves into his consciousness. All of the what ifs generated were making his head spin. _What would Jack say when they got back? What would Piggy say? What if Jack took over the group? What if they do something stupid? What if the fire gets out of control again? Should I-_

A hand tugged at his ragged shirt and pulled him from his mind. It was Simon. His eyes said "follow me" and the pale finger to his lips said "be quiet." Ralph nodded, secretly grateful for the younger boy's direction. Unbeknownst to him, he had saved Ralph a lot of trouble, as the fair haired boy had been about to ask himself the biggest question of all: should he go back and leave Simon?

But he deemed such an actuality absurd and kept moving forward. He had promised to accompany the younger boy, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

The two boys edged along the creepers silently until they found an opening that led inward to a thickly overgrown path. Simon started through, dropping to hands and knees, pushing the leaves and plants aside gently and constantly looking over his shoulder to checkchecking to make sure Ralph was still following. Suddenly, he held up his hand to wait again, but this time he sat down. Ralph followed suit.

Simon gestured through the thin wall of leaves that they had yet to pass through. In response, Ralph parted the shrubs that obscured his view and surveyed the scene presented before him.

It was picturesque. In front of him, just beyond the thin divider of greenery was a sun-dappled clearing characterized by a small field of rustling green grasses. Ralph's eyes widened. Amidst the swaying fronds were clusters of small white flowers that glowed vividly.

A patch of peace within a wild bath of chaos.

 _So this is where he hides. This is his place..._

Pulling away from the window through the levels, he turned back to Simon. "What are we doing here?" He had meant to inquire as to the purpose of their coming to such a sacred place, but the dark-haired boy took his question rather literally.

"Waiting." Simon answered curtly in reference directly to what they were doing at the moment, as he peered through a gap in the foliage.

"For what?" Ralph answered pointedly, at least desiring a more descriptive answer than the one he had been given.

Simon clapped a hand over Ralph's mouth. "Shhh."

A moment later, Simon seemed to be satisfied with whatever it was he had been waiting for, even though to Ralph it didn't appear that anything had changed. Simon stood up in one fluid motion and daintily strode into the middle of the grassy area, arms outstretched and head tilted up to the sky. Sunlight filtering in through the gaps in the treetops illuminated his body and transformed him into what Ralph saw as an angel.

In front of him, he saw an angel standing in a small patch of tranquility amidst a swirling mass of hell.

Ralph was confined to watch in silence, captivated, until Simon turned and beckoned him closer. Tiny fingers silently called the fair-haired boy forward, and in response, he accepted the request for company. Four steps were all it took, compared to the six that Simon had taken, for Ralph to stand beside the raven-haired boy.

All around them, stirred the indescribable sounds and indicators of life.

"Can you feel it?" Four words spoken in a deceivingly simplistic tone. But still, Ralph felt the weight behind the question.

And he did feel it. "Yes." He could feel the lifeblood of the forest—the throb of life that courses through every living object until it's death.

 _Ba-bum_

For the first time, he felt connected. "Yes, I feel it." He felt it clearly within his own body-the throbbing of this power.

 _Ba-bum_

A hand grabbed his own, but Ralph hardly flinched at the contact. These childish, soft fingers that enclosed around his own cracked hands were comforting. Their innocence reminded him of days long gone. And when he looked within himself, he found that he was silently begging those hands to never let go.

With sudden conviction, the smaller boy flopped to the ground and Ralph allowed himself to be dragged down as well. It wasn't out of submission or reverence for the other boy that he did it, it was because he simply wanted to.

Ralph didn't want to let go of that confident little hand that held onto his just yet.

Head on the ground and eyes cast upward, he felt that nothing mattered. In this place of peace, it felt as though nothing could go wrong. Names, positions, and all other pieces of an identity on this island were worthless right now...

At this moment, they were just two people completely alone together.

Ralph started thinking. Were they really even on an island? Theoretically, he could be hallucinating right now, and actually could be sitting in a forest back home, safe and sound. For all he knew, he could be dreaming. But his mind faltered and he remembered the hand holding his. That certainly wasn't a dream. So what was it? Heck, what was the use of even thinking anymore?

Pleasantly aggravated by his meaningless thoughts, he began to laugh and looked over at the boy beside him, amazed when it took only a second for the kid join in.

Ralph knew that the other boy understood his mind. It might have scared him at some other point prior to now, but presently, it thrilled him to no end.

Something suddenly blocked his vision. It was a tiny fluttering shroud that cast shadows on his face. At first, he was alarmed and made to swat it away but a hand caught him halfway. There was immeasurable strength behind this hand. It felt alien as it pulled him away from the ground and forced him to sit up.

But the island leader felt calm within the locked hold of this power that was invisible to him, since for some reason, within it's grip, he felt safe. A ginger touch liberated him from the darkness faster than he could blink, and he was thrown once more into the judgement of light, no longer hidden by the cover of dark.

And he finally got a good look at the "strong" power before him. Characterized by black hair and insightful eyes, this power stared back at him, one hand raised carefully into the air and the other clasping Ralph's wrist firmly.

Delicately balanced atop his small fingers stood a noble insect, a butterfly. It fluttered its wings periodically, seeming perfectly at ease. Ralph watched silently as Simon guided his hand up to the butterfly and held it there, patiently waiting.

 _Ba-bum_

Ralph felt the feeling again, as it rocked his body and lulled him into tranquility. A moment passed, and then the small insect traveled the few centimeters from one boy's hand to the other's before calmly beginning to flutter its wings once more.

Suddenly, Simon smiled.

Ralph found the energy emitted by the boy to be contagious, as he too smiled, and he asked, "What is it?" Somehow, he knew something was on the boy's mind.

 _Ba-bum_

Ralph's chest swelled with emotion. Eyes with greater depths than oceans gazed at him almost longingly. A million years of wisdom, he felt, could be contained within such eyes. He found himself wondering just how much the boy knew but just hadn't told.

Simon's eyes flashed with something only describable as indescribable, and for a brief moment, Ralph felt he understood what was unable to be described. No words were needed to understand this mysterious boy before him.

The words that left Ralph's mouth felt hollow. But he felt they needed to be said. "Thank you." He felt as though the voice wasn't his own.

"I honestly didn't think it'd go this good..." Simon's response was barely a disbelieving whisper.

Ralph smiled sympathetically, but assumed the wrong thing. "How could I refuse?" He had assumed that Simon was referring to bringing him to this place—how he had practically begged Ralph to come along.

Simon shook his head in emphatic denial. "I was afraid it wouldn't accept you..."

"What wouldn't?" Brow furrowed, Ralph gazed quizzically at the younger.

A solitary finger pointed in answer. It directed all attention to the insect at the tip of the fair-haired boy's fingers. He stated the words simply, as though it was utterly obvious. "That." Legs unfolded, he stood up, and arms extended to the sky as he gestured all around. "This." His eyes shone with wonder.

A sharp wind swiftly cut through the clearing and jostled both boys. The butterfly on Ralph's fingertips flew upward on the current, and from the tops of the trees erupted a million other fluttering shapes of all colors. They followed after the single butterfly in an organized swarm of swirling creatures. It was as though the trees themselves were dissolving into the wind.

 _Ba-bum_

Simon's eyes were closed and he had his arms out again. A smile was painted on his thin pink lips. Ralph admired for a moment, but he chose to not stand. Something just told him to stay put. A moment later, when the air settled, the dark-haired child sat down in the grass again.

 _Ba-bum_

The two boys' gazes locked.

 _Ba-bum_

Seconds later, they were smiling at each other, in a moment of mutual understanding and appreciation of existence.

Feeling playful, Ralph swiped at Simon's head with his hand and mussed his hair. Within seconds, the smaller boy retaliated, and soon the two of them were rolling about in the hollow. Joyous laughter echoed in the trees and finally, Ralph pinned Simon down on his back in the grass. The younger's mouth opened in a grand show and he let out a low guttural sound. A yawn.

The simple display of fatigue tore Ralph out of his momentary lapse. He had overstepped his bounds. Composing himself, he released the younger boy and both sat up stiffly, staring blankly at each other.

It was as though they were both asking what had happened...and they knew the answer...but they both were too afraid to speak it.

The awkwardness proved to be too much for either of them to handle. It felt like an invisible line had been crossed and a wall had been built hundreds of feet high between them. An indestructible glass panel that was never ending. It allowed them to do nothing but see each other, and so, they were reduced to a painful game of searching each other for signs of acceptance-but they were both asking the same thing.

Simon was first to push through the weirdness between them, to become a pioneer into the unknown. One of them had to do it. He stood up and started walking, but it was obvious that he did not intend for Ralph to follow. And Ralph intended to stay put.

The fair boy's thoughts were loud inside his head. He quickly became lost in them.

The territory the two of them were treading was dangerous. Ralph knew that their situation was already dire. To either side of the path they trod were cliffs, and now a fog bank lay before them. But Simon had already disappeared into it before Ralph could think of another solution.

Ralph shook his head and tried to focus.

The fog was a curtain in his mind. He swiped a hand through it and it swallowed his fingers right up. He desperately wanted to see what was on the other side.

A voice was calling out to him from somewhere within it.

Ralph made his decision. He would follow Simon's lead. And as he imagined himself making the choice and striding straight into the foggy curtain, the image vanished and the sounds of his surroundings filled his ears once more. They felt louder than ever. He could hear the swishing of the grass and the way it shuffled under Simon's bare feet. He could hear the wind and the rustling of the leaves overhead. He heard the chirping of birds.

He felt calm again.

Sighing, he let his mind flow slowly back into the present and he unconsciously found himself staring at the small boy meandering about the clearing to occasionally bend down. His eyes smoothly followed the boy's movements until he finally came back to sit down in his original place.

Small hands dropped two little bundles of the white flowers that Ralph had seen earlier into the matted down space between their bodies. Simon seemed pleasantly content as he picked up a few of the tiny flowers and began to fiddle with them, carefully twisting their stems together with delicate precision before adding another flower and continuing the process.

Ralph was mesmerized by the tiny movements of the hands before him, his eyes struggling to follow every little twist and tweak. He found the motions strangely beautiful, so much so that he couldn't bring himself to even look away.

 _Ba-bum_

The familiar feeling had returned again. Ralph could feel it pulsing within him, and it seemed to echo in his ears.

Simon suddenly looked up and nudged Ralph's leg with his foot. Startled, Ralph abruptly looked up at the boy across from him, worried he had missed something, only to see him cocking his head inquisitively.

Ralph chuckled. "I have no idea what you're doing." And he really meant it. He knew Simon was beginning to make a flower crown, but that was it.

Simon seemed unfazed by the comment of confusion and merely scooted over to Ralph's right side, placed the halfway woven piece to the side, gathered up a few flowers from the other pile intended for Ralph, and held them in his hands.

 _Ba-bum_

Again.

The demonstration was silent and careful. Simon took Ralph through every step with gentle guidance from his hands on Ralph's, until Ralph was able to get the basics down. But all the while, Ralph was overly aware of the hands that were touching his own. It wasn't that he minded the touch, per se, it was just another one of those feelings that he couldn't put a name to. Seemingly satisfied with Ralph's performance now, Simon went back to his own piece and the two boys worked calmly alongside each other for a while, until they finished.

They turned giddily to one another and placed the completed projects onto each other's heads. Simon's turned out to be much too small for Ralph's head and barely even stayed on, while Ralph's was so poorly wrapped that it looked more like a wreath than a flower crown.

And then they stared at each other.

Ralph began to laugh. The way the crown sat on Simon's head, it almost made him look like something prehistoric out of a museum with his long hair and very earthen appearance.

"What?" Simon asked, seeming a bit concerned.

"Oh nothing...it's just..." Ralph bit his lip as he reached up and removed the crown from Simon's head. As he removed it, it split in two and his lips quivered with suppressed laughter. "...this thing sucks." He swiftly took the crown made by the other boy from his own head and put that one atop Simon's head.

The younger boy seemed almost amused as he lifted his hands up to adjust the newly placed crown. "...Better now?"

Ralph grinned. "Yeah."

And they laughed. They laughed long and hard together until the sounds of their friendship faded into the wind and in its place, a stillness formed between them. The stillness was only broken when Ralph rose a hand to pluck a stray leaf from Simon's hair. It had presumably gotten tangled during their wrestling and only become visible now that the boy had shaken his head so vigorously. Ralph gently removed a few other leaves and the boy under the mess of black hair sat patiently in silence.

 _Ba-bum_

Ralph was totally unfazed by the familiar throb now as he tossed the leaves to the side. He found a pair of dark eyes observing him from behind a black curtain. Gently, he pulled the curtain to the side.

 _Ba-bum_

The feeling was almost comforting now. It gave him strength.

As he retracted his hands from the boy's face, hands softly caught him and held his hands halfway suspended in the air. It was electrical, the feeling of bare skin on bare skin. This feeling of life coursing through another human being.

 _We are alive. The two of us. Right here._

 _Right now._

He licked his lips. Tongue itching with unspoken words, he attempted to speak his mind but it was no good. It was as if the words were in another language-something completely foreign to him.

Now he was curious about the boy next to him. Breathlessly, he asked, "Do you always feel this way?"

 _Ba-bum_

He got his answer. Simon leaned forward smoothly. It was communicated as a whisper directly into his ear. Lips tentatively brushed his skin. One syrupy sweet word edged with poison. " _Yes_."

 _Ba-bum_

And he suddenly understood. This feeling that Simon had introduced him to.

This is what it felt like to be alive—to live. The thought was almost laughable. The sound he had been hearing was a human heart beating.

The sound of his own heart. A physical indicator of his feelings.

The sound of life.

For a moment, Ralph had a taste of contentment. His heart felt light, freed from the burdens of responsibility and stripped down to the bare minimum. The fog had vanished from his mind and he was hit with an odd sense of clarity. An epiphany. Nothing obstructed his path now, he was completely and utterly carefree.

The black-haired boy had retreated from Ralph's ear but he now lingered cautiously in front of the older boy. He was waiting.

 _Ba-bum_

And Ralph knew what he was waiting for. The scene had been carefully set, and Simon had left it up to Ralph to decide the climax. He felt as though he held the universe within his hands.

 _Ba-bum_

Fingers delicately removed strands of dark hair from his face and Ralph leaned in. Contact was initiated tenderly as their lips gently brushed for just a fraction of a second. It would be the one moment that they would treasure forever-this moment that they had shared together.

But then that moment ended.

Ralph pulled away and searched the eyes of the younger boy for any signs of some kind of validation, but he didn't know what he really wanted to find.

In reality, he didn't find anything. It seemed that they both once again understood each other explicitly. There was no room for anything else anymore.

A line had been drawn, the fog returned, and the heartbeat vanished into the background.

Simon wore a sad smile. "It's gettin' dark." He stood up.

"Yeah..." Ralph was tired and deflated.

 _So that's it then..._

His whole body had started hurting all of a sudden as he chose to stand as well.

A quiet voice sliced painfully through the air. "But we can always come back." It's volume was nothing above a whisper, but to Ralph, it was a scream. It was Simon's desperate inquiry about the future, something that he definitely feared.

The abruptness of the comment had surprised Ralph. He looked at the other boy inquisitively, but all he got in return was the pleading gaze of a desperate child at his wits end. Ralph felt his chest aching. It ached for what had just happened, it ached for the lack of closure, but most of all, it ached for the more that he just knew they would never have.

The fair-haired boy sighed. "Of course we can."

The words seemed to reassure Simon. They could both live in a false peace for at least a while longer.

Their footsteps sounded flat as they crawled back down the path they came on and into the jungle-away from their shared sanctuary, and back into their assumed places in the sick game of island politics that they were playing.

Ralph understood the magnitude of their decision just seconds before. They had just given up what could have been for what was. Soon, they would revert to their accepted places in their self-created society. Their little world together would have to be put aside, since the word together would soon become meaningless. Nothing was ever really done "together" on this island.

Something white caught his attention on the ground. He moved closer to examine it, only to find that it was Simon's crown. It had been discarded without a second thought.

Ralph lifted a hand to his chest. He felt nothing but emptiness accompanied by longing.

"You comin'?" Simon called from somewhere ahead.

Ralph sighed and tore his eyes away from the last reminder of their time together. "Yeah." He had to move forward. There was no room for harbored feelings at this point. "I'm coming."

The jungle clearing was the single place that they had wanted to return to.

But they never did.

Because they never got the chance.

[End]

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Any and all feedback is appreciated!


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